Maria

Berthe:
She climbs a tree
And scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear.

Sophia:
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair.

Berthe:
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair!

Sophia:
Maria's not an asset to the abbey.

Berthe:
She's always late for chapel,

Margaretta:
But her penitence is real.

Berthe:
She's always late for everything,
Except for every meal.

Mother Abbess:
From all of which, I take it,
That you very firmly feel

Berthe and Sophia:
Maria's not an asset to the abbey!

  Margaretta:
I'd like to say a word in her behalf.
Maria makes me laugh!

Sophia:
How do you solve a problem like Maria?

Mother Abbess:
How do you catch a cloud and bring it down?

Margaretta:
How do you find a word that means Maria?

Berthe:
A flibbertigibbet!

Sophia:
A willo' the wisp!

Margaretta:
A clown!

Mother Abbess:
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.

Margaretta:
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say,

Mother Abbess:
  How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

    Margaretta:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

Mother Abbess:
    How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

 Margaretta:
When I'm dazed and confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.

Sophia:
Unpredictable as weather,
She's as flighty as a feather,

Margaretta:
She's a darling,

Berthe:
She's a demon,

Margaretta:
She's a lamb.

Sophia:
She'd out-pester any pest,
Drive a hornet from his nest,

Berthe:
She could throw a whirling dervish
Out of whirl.

Margaretta:
She is gentle,
She is wild,

Sophia:
She's a riddle.

Margaretta:
She's a child.

Berthe:
She's a headache!

Margaretta:
She's an angel!

Mother Abbess:
She's a girl.

All:
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet!
A willo' the wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her say,
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?